# Do Men Think Of Other Women In Bed?
**Question by Lexi:**
> I have a question…..I believe that when your bf or husband watches porn the visual stays in his mind when he has sex with his girlfriend or wife. Am I right or wrong….? Do men think about another woman while having sex with their partner? And if so, are they not attracted to their partner or can they not get aroused with their partner unless they have watched some porn or a woman he sees at a store or where ever that he thinks is eye candy or good looking?…..I really need an answer to this question because I’ve had this on my mind for the longest!!! (Please don’t think I’m insecure or jealous because I’m far from that!…I just need to know the answer)
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**Our Response:**
If a man thinks about another woman while making love to his partner, there is something “off” in the relationship. The only reason, ever, for a man to think about some other woman to arouse him, while he is in the bed with his wife or girlfriend, is because he does not find her to be sexually stimulating (and men hate doing that, believe it or not).
There are several reasons why a man may not find his partner arousing sexual feelings in him, some common ones are cited below.
1\. He loves her but finds her extremely limp and cold when it comes to having sex\
2\. He resents her for some reason, or is angry with her because she hurt his ego\
3\. He is not in love with her and is confused about the relationship\
4\. She does not accept him in someway and this makes him feel spiteful inside\
5\. She is not willing to fulfill his sexual desires, fantasies or needs (for example some women are averse to performing a blow job or some other sexual positions)
Men watch porn because they find it interesting, it’s that simple. Men oogle at other good looking women (eye candies as you put it), simply because it’s interesting to them, nothing more nothing less. Straight men are wired to like curvy bodies, and it does turn them on but simply in a “casual” or carnal way, they are not really attracted or bonded to that woman in any way but they just find her body interesting, it’s like admiring a painting or a sculpture.
So a man can be completely in love with his wife or girlfriend, and still watch porn on regular basis and oogle at beautiful or hot looking women, may be even fantasize about these women while being alone (when he is self pleasuring, for example), this does not mean that he feels any love for these women, they are just like a painting or a piece of art to him – his true emotional and physical love, sexual and otherwise, is for his wife or his girlfriend. A man would find it completely ridiculous that his partner should feel jealous because he watches women on porn or oogles at eye candies, because in his own mind he knows that he does not feel any love or attraction for these women, they are just interesting to his “primal” senses of lust.
When he is in love, a man rarely ever compares his partner with some “hot” woman he saw on the street or on internet. In his mind, that hot woman was just a “body” or an image, that’s all. His partner is who he loves, who he adores, who he is dedicated to, who he finds to be the meaning of his life, who he enjoys talking to, who he enjoys making love with. Men are really sensitive beings, and they crave love and bonding (even if they don’t express it) – they are not all sex mongers as is usually depicted in the media and they don’t base a relationship on lust. It’s true however that most men have a high sex drive, due to their hormones, and they satiate it by watching porn for self pleasure at times (it’s like relieving a pressure of sorts, like answering nature’s call).
It’s incredulous that some women claim that their relationship got spoiled because of their man’s obsession with porn, that’s just not possible. The only reason for a relationship to become dead is because the partners lose interest in each other. A man does not lose any love for his partner because he watches porn – that’s just ridiculous.
If a man is thinking about other women, or some hot images or videos he saw on the internet, to get himself aroused while making love with his partner, it indicates a problem in the relationship (may not be a major one). It could just be that his partner is not willing to be sexually stimulating (she is acting more like cold fish than as a willing loving partner). Some women can get really cold in the bed, and not matter how much her husband or boyfriend may love her, he will find it really difficult to get aroused when she is acting this way. Men love to be touched, and kissed, and hugged and made love to, but usually they find that their woman is just content to lie flat on the bed without making any movement with her hands or body and wanting the man to do all the work, this can be a total turn off to most men.
Some women judge men for their sexuality. For example, a wife might feel that her husband is always hankering for sex, without realizing that she is not fulfilling him the way he wants to be fulfilled – and she can do this if she puts her mind to it. It’s all about love and understanding, it’s all about acceptance and it’s all about wanting to “give” instead of just wanting to receive. This is true for both men and women, because in some cases the scenario is reversed where a man is not fulfilling his woman.
So to answer your question in simple terms – No, men don’t think of other women while making love to their partner, in fact they find it pathetic to do so. The only time a man would ever find himself doing this is when his partner is being cold towards him or when he has lost love for her. If this continues for long, the relationship would eventually end or become dead at its core.
Please feel free to add your own response in the comments section.
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